Speak softly and carry a big stick.

I did it. It’s over. That scene is done. A couple notes about it though..

  • I think my research was fine. I just legitimately over think things.
  • Me trying to rationalize the whole ‘but the character is almost like a separate entity’ is nonsensical bullshit. Last night after class, it was basically unearthed that I can’t accept that I can be that good at acting so trying to attribute my portrayal of the character as some kind of weird Method acting is degrading to myself and what I do. Never again.
  • Trust is massively important in a scene where weapons, rope, and pain (whether real or acted) are involved. Blocking everything beforehand is so important. Though spontaneity and being in the moment are still definitely encouraged, the other actor’s safety is paramount. It did help that the weapon was made entirely of foam…

I only have two more scenes left of Misery, and then I’m done.

Something else that occurred to me last night is that I really do talk about my braces a lot. I mean, damn. It is all the time, it seems. I have to consciously tell myself to shut up about it, that people don’t actually care, and that it’s only that big of a deal to me. I am so self-conscious about my braces that I feel that if I talk about it, it helps dissipate some of that self-imposed awkwardness. I don’t think that’s always the case. I just really need to chill out about it unless someone asks. That’ll be my new rule of thumb going forward.

A couple weeks ago, I had a conversation with someone about the idea of being your true self around people and not the person you think they want to see. I am definitely somebody who tries to do the latter. I try to fit in all the time. Honestly, I feel like so few people see my actual personality. If you’re at all familiar with the Myers-Briggs test, I am an INTJ (Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging), also known as The Architect or The Scientist. A very simplified explanation of myself: “People with the INTJ personality type are imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, amazingly curious, but they do not squander their energy.” – 16personalities. I like to study everybody. I can watch people and figure out how best to respond to them. However, if you put me on the spot, I fumble and walk away thinking I just made a huge mistake. Perfection is the ultimate goal for me, always. Because of that, I am always trying to adapt and change, and it seems like I’m always trying to be someone different. Maybe that’s why acting appeals to me.

Even now, over twelve hours after class is over, I’m still thinking about how awesome the whole class was. I don’t think I could’ve done a scene like that in any other place with any different person. It was rough, but worth every second of it.

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