Dreams That Suck

Great title, right? I’m cursed with thinking I’m wittier than I actually am.

Friday night, I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that I was in a hospital, and apparently I was visiting someone. I kept saying their name over and over and no one knew who I was looking for, but I knew they were there (somehow?) so I kept going. I finally find them, and they’re in a tiny, bright room, but they’re in a wheelchair just sitting at the window staring out. I call to them but they don’t answer or move. I go to them, turn their chair (which in hindsight is a very rude thing to do), and they finally look at me. It’s only then to I actually *know* who it is, which I know makes zero sense if I’m looking for them and calling for them in my dream. But it was like I didn’t know them until I saw them. But when he looked at me (because it’s a guy I know in real life), there was no recognition in him and it made me incredibly upset. This guy is very outgoing, a life of the party type, and here he was, sitting in a wheelchair, no one around him, silent as the grave. I helped him into bed, and still, he just stared at the ceiling. Didn’t look anywhere, didn’t close his eyes. So I sat next to him, held his hand, and talked to him like normal. I told him about my rehearsals and work, the app I just downloaded on my phone, and what I was thinking about doing for my acting class in January. When that didn’t get anything from him, I started promising things. I said I would stop teasing him about his age when he woke up, even if he didn’t stop teasing me. I said so many different little things that I didn’t realize I even cared about. I said I would say I love you if he woke up and I would mean it. He actually noticed that I don’t say that ever, even to friends, though he has said it to me more than once. I said that I would never joke about hating him.

I woke up in bed, my face wet. I didn’t do anything afterwards. While I put my contacts in, I told myself to grow up, that he’s fine and it was just a dream.  I just felt like writing this out for some reason.

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